In August 2017, Tony Alarcon’s phone rang unexpectedly.
Like many parents, he assumed it was another telemarketer.
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But this time, he picked up.
For any parent, getting a call from the school can be unsettling. Typically, it’s only for serious matters, and Tony couldn’t help but worry — was his daughter, Demetra, safe? Had something happened at school?
The reality of the situation, however, left him in disbelief.
It was a typical summer day in Northern California, with temperatures soaring to 90 degrees. Tony had dropped off his 13-year-old daughter at school that morning, never imagining that her choice of outfit would spark such controversy.
Demetra, a student at Raymond J. Fisher Middle School in Los Gatos, California, had dressed for the heat in a blue romper. Neither Tony nor Demetra thought twice about the outfit — it seemed appropriate for a long, warm school day.
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But not everyone saw it that way. A teacher at the school deemed her outfit “too distracting” for boys.
When the teacher told Demetra the romper was too short, Tony rushed back to the school with a change of clothes — jeans shorts and a tank top — only to be told by the administration that those clothes were also inappropriate.
Tony was stunned. ”I asked Demetra to bend over and touch her toes, right in front of the administrator,” Alarcon told TODAY. ”And I said, ‘Nothing is hanging out. There’s nothing inappropriate. I don’t understand this dress code rule.”
Yet, the school insisted the outfit was ”distracting.” On a scorching 90-degree day, Tony had no choice but to return to his car for a backup pair of leggings.
Demetra, understandably, felt humiliated.
Father fights California middle school’s dress code for teen daughter https://t.co/qoTOVO7fJ6 pic.twitter.com/V1tUrOWCTO
— CBS News (@CBSNews) September 16, 2017
“You get pulled out of class in front of everyone…She’s just a kid. She’s just 13. She’s not a sex symbol. She just wants to be comfortable and attend class and we’re not affording her that opportunity,” he said.
This incident wasn’t the first time Demetra had been dress-coded. Just a week prior, she was reprimanded for a visible bra strap.
“When I got dress coded one time last week, they said my bra strap was showing,” Demetra told the San Jose Mercury News. “Lord forbid I might be wearing a bra.”
Tony, a successful investment advisor and father of two, wasn’t one to back down from a challenge. Outraged by what he saw as an unfair policy that disproportionately targeted girls, he decided to take action. He went to social media to voice his frustration, and support poured in from parents across the country who agreed the school’s dress code was outdated and sexist.
“Demetra isn’t alone. Just sit in Fisher’s parking lot and you’ll see that,” Alarcon said. “I’ve heard from multiple girls that they just want to be comfortable, but they feel like they’re being pushed into wearing leggings in 100-degree heat.”
Tony felt strongly that parents, not schools, should decide whether their children’s clothing is appropriate. More than that, he worried about the long-term emotional impact on young girls who are told their clothing is a ”distraction” to boys.
The situation quickly gained media attention, with major news outlets covering Tony’s fight to change the dress code. Though the school refused to comment on camera, they did release a statement:
“The Los Gatos Union School District believes that appropriate dress and grooming contribute to a productive learning environment,” Abbati told TODAY in a statement. “Students are expected to wear clothes that reflect the collective core values of our learning community.”
Posted by Tony Alarcon on Saturday, September 11, 2021
Tony’s stand didn’t go unnoticed. His efforts led to the Los Gatos Union School District reevaluating its dress code, ensuring it would be fairer and less restrictive for all students.
Lisa Fraser, the school’s principal, said the school’s “Fashion Faux Pas” guidelines apply to both girls and boys. Among other no-nos: hats or hoods indoors, visible underwear, inappropriate words or logos, and those shorts with less-than-4-inch inseams.
“There has always been a dress code,” Fraser told the newspaper. “These are standards for reasonable decorum. I do reserve the right to set guidelines for the school, but I want to lead with the pulse of the community and reflect the community’s core values.”
In the end, Tony Alarcon’s persistence sparked a much-needed conversation about the impact of school dress codes on young girls — and proved that one parent’s voice can make a difference.
What do you think about the school’s dress code? Have you or your children experienced something similar? Feel free to share your thoughts and experiences in the comments!
